Cracked
by adavisa
Summary: A crazy fic. Sort of an orgy, sort of not. Full warning inside, as it won't all fit here. Slash, femmeslash, het and loads of craziness and nudity involved. Written from Harry's perspective.


_WARNING: This fic includes het, slash, femmeslash, twincest, character bashing, a bit of blood, complete AU, foul language, naked old people, massive breasts, tiny penises and one enormous penis. If any of this offends you, click the back button now because I have a front row seat on the train to hell and your flames will only tickle. _

Harry walked into the Great Hall to find that the house tables had disappeared and everyone was sitting in a giant circle, holding hands singing "We are the World."

Picking his way through the crowd, Harry sat down by his boyfriend, Draco Malfoy, and beside his best friend Hermione Granger who was holding hands with her girlfriend, Luna Lovegood. Across the circle Harry could see Dean and Seamus making eyes at each other, and Neville was sitting awfully close to his boyfriend Ron. Even the Weasley twins were off in their own little world, clearly paying more attention to each other than to the song that Dumbledore and his wife Minerva were trying to teach them.

The only person that appeared to be missing was the youngest Weasley, Ginny. This worried Harry because not only did he have to fight all the other boys at Hogwarts away from his sex god boyfriend, he also had to keep an eye out for that sneaky bitch. Ginny was one of a very few people at Hogwarts, other than Harry, that knew Draco's secret. Draco was bisexual, and this fact turned Ginny on, and ever since she overheard the little secret, she had been trying to find ways to get Draco to make sweet love to her, but it hadn't worked so far.

Harry had faith in his boyfriend. After all, Draco was a Slytherin, what would he have against Harry, a loyal Gryffindor? But Harry knew that Ginny couldn't be trusted, the man stealing, horny she-beast that she was.

Just as Harry was finishing his thought, Ginny burst into the Great Hall and announced loudly, "Madame Pomfrey has just told me that there is a rash spreading quickly through Hogwarts because of an infection in the laundry system. Everyone take off your clothes now!" Her eyes darted around, obviously looking for someone, and when she set eyes on Draco, she rushed toward them.

The Great Hall erupted into a flourish of clothing as everyone began to strip off their clothing, not wanting to contract the horrible rash. Many students could be see scratching, convinced that they had already contracted that.

Even the Professors who were present had begun to strip off their clothes. Dumbledore was down to only his pointy purple wizards hat, and McGonagall had left herself some decency and kept on her underwear, and her itty bitty bra that was barely holding back her massive tits.

One good thing about the fiasco that seemed to be close to turning into a massive orgy was that Harry could see that very few students were any larger than his own raging four inch erection, and none were any larger than Draco's enormous six inches.

That is until Dumbledore, who was apparently a bit drunk, vanished Professor Snape's clothing. No one knew if it was the nude boys or the nude girls that caused the reaction, but the Professor's erection seemed to be at least a foot long as it sprung up, free from the confines of his tight leather trousers, protruding well over his belly button and damn near hitting him in the chest.

The entire Great Hall, even Professor Dumbledore, fell silent, all admiring the enormous cock that had been presenting to them.

Seamus looked up from Dean's lap, where he had his head buried until the Hall got quiet, and promptly fainted, leaving Dean looking very distressed and extremely horny.

Even Fred and George Weasley were completely silent. Fred had fallen straight out of George's lap, in shock, and as far as Harry could tell, George hadn't even noticed the loss of his partner's warmth.

It was then that Harry realized Draco had stood to remove his clothes as well, and Harry pulled him back down, pointing out that no one had been complaining of any itch, and this was probably just another one of Ginny's tricks.

The blonde boy and his raven haired partner then realized that Ginny had stopped in her tracks, and even Hermione and Luna had stopped snogging long enough to appreciate the beauty that was Severus Snape's enormous cock.

Ginny turned and made a run toward the Potion's Master, but was quickly tackled by both Hermione and Luna, and before anyone realized what was going on, a cat fight erupted in the middle of what had finally turned into a giant orgy.

Pretty much everyone who could tear their face away from the genitals of their partner was watched the three girls scratch, claw and bite each other in the middle of the room.

"I saw it first!" Hermione screeched.

"I'm not even a lesbian! It's mine!" Ginny raged.

"I'm not a lesbian either, I just needed sex!" Hermione blurted.

Luna froze for a moment and a look of sheer wrath crossed her face. The blond witch launched herself at her former girlfriend and bit her tit as hard as she could. When she drew back there was blood trickling down Hermione's ample breast.

A hushed "Ooooh" could be heard throughout the Great Hall.

Ginny took Luna's attack as an opportunity to sneak closer to Professor Snape, who was watching the catfight with great interest. He imagined that either, or all, of the three witches would service him well. "If only I had three cocks, I could please all of them," he mused to himself.

Hermione and Luna continued to scuffle, Luna seriously pissed at Hermione's revelation that she had been leading her on, just because the sex was absolutely fan-fucking-tastic.

Ginny dropped to her knees in front of the Professor and all the boys and several of the girls looked on in complete envy as Ginny slowly swallowed down Severus' entire twelve inches and began to bob her head around it, licking and sucking and blowing him until he couldn't stand it anymore, and pulled her off of him.

By this time, Luna and Hermione had stopped scuffling, and were both sitting on the floor, pleasuring themselves at the sight of their friend pleasuring their oh-so-sexy Potions Professor.

Snape beckoned to the two girls, who shook themselves out of their little fantasy and stood to follow him.

The entire Hogwart's student body was shocked when Severus Snape walked out of the Great Hall, Hermione Granger, Luna Lovegood and Ginny Weasley trailing behind him, and headed straight for his chambers.

"Well!" Professor Dumbledore said as Severus and the girls walked out of view. "Back to that song now, shall we?"

_"There comes a time When we head a certain call When the world must come together as one There are people dying And it's time to lend a hand to life The greatest gift of all" _


End file.
